Opthalmologist

I arrived at the Opthalmologist's office to be greeted by his assistant who kept insisting that I had red eyes. I was alarmed! "I do?" I asked. "Don't you?" she replied. "I wasn't aware that I had red eyes" I said. "Well, if you do, you'll have to wait in the hallway. We don't want you to contaminate the other patients." I hadn't noticed red eyes when I looked in the mirror that morning, but she was looking at me. I figured that she was a better judge of the colour of my eyes than I was. Flabbergasted, I just stared at her until she finally asked why I was there. "For flashes in my left eye" I replied. "Oh! That's okay then. You don't have to wait in the hall!"

I should have guessed from this introduction that things could only go downhill from here. After a 45 minute wait, and being the only person left in the waiting room, I was led into an examination room where the same assistant conducted some mediocre tests. Ten minutes later Dr. Blicker came in. He asked one question- "Why are you here?", examined my eyes for one minute, said "Tip your head back for drops and go sit in the waiting room." There was no explanation about the drops.

Fifteen minutes later I was ushered back into the examination room with blurry vision and an awareness that he had dilated my pupils. "Look up, left, down, right. You have no tears or holes in the retinal lining." Good news, but......

...I asked "Did those drops dilate my pupils?" He responded "Yes. I had to dilate them for the exam."

"That's great!" I replied. "I have a handicapped husband waiting downstairs for me to drive him home!"

"Oh...you won't be able to drive for 3-4 hours!"

"Do you think that you could have mentioned that before administering the drops?"....IDIOT!